Over the past fifty years, boys and young men have been steadily disengaging from school, work, and broader society. They’re falling behind academically, struggling with loneliness and isolation, and facing rising rates of substance abuse and suicide. These are the threads pulled together by the documentary Gone Guys, drawing on Richard V. Reeves’ influential book Of Boys and Men to explore what its creators call a “quiet crisis” hiding in plain sight. This 45-minute film blends hard data with personal stories from young men, educators, and mentors working to help boys reconnect with school, work and community. Many of us have experienced these issues first-hand, but it can be difficult to talk about them. And it’s not an either-or choice: caring more about boys and men does not mean caring less about women and girls.
The Ottawa Valley will get the chance to grapple with these issues on November 8 when Gone Guys comes to Studio Theatre Perth for a community screening followed by a panel discussion, with proceeds supporting YAK Youth Services yakyouth.ca. The event is being organized by Linda Chaim, whose years in education convinced her this conversation couldn’t wait any longer. Ahead of the event, I sat down with her to find out why.
theHumm: What was it about your background in education that first alerted you to how boys and young men are struggling — was there a particular moment or pattern that struck you?
Linda Chaim: My years of work in special education allowed me to experience first-hand some of the difficulties boys encountered in the school system. One of my first classes had a boy who would loudly call out “BEANS, SARDINES ” during class. This was quite disruptive, and I tried to get it to stop. I later reviewed his evaluation reports and discovered he had extreme difficulties with processing auditory language. His calling out was a coping mechanism to get the talking to slow down. Another student diagnosed with severe dyslexia could not make head or tails out of the printed word. One day he asked if he could fix a clock on my desk. He dismantled the clock and neatly laid down all the pieces. Within 45 minutes he had it reassembled and working. This skill was such a strength, but he never had the opportunity to show his talent in an English class. He sure learned how to cope and get excused from the class for disruptive behavior, though.
The disruptive behavior of so many boys with special educational needs was quite visible in the classroom. I became aware of tasks required that some boys (and girls) had tremendous difficulty doing. The boys were more prone to disruptions, the girls most often sat quietly, not revealing their difficulty. The disruption got the attention. It most often did not get the attention that was needed, however.
There seemed to be a strong focus on what was wrong with boys, many boys just did not fit in. The educational system wasn’t designed to recognize what many boys needed — such as more hands-on learning, less sit and get.
You’ve emphasized that supporting boys and men doesn’t come at the expense of supporting women and girls. How are the two connected?
If we do not see and honour boys’ challenges, if we continue to think that boys will be just fine, that all of society’s advantages are geared towards them, this will increasingly end up hurting women and the progress that has been made improving women’s opportunities. It is not an either-or game; investing in girls and women has been very successful in improving their success rate. However, the challenges of boys and men have been put aside, creating a climate where many boys and are not feeling valued, respected or even needed. The past strong male roles of providing the main family income are slipping away as more women now have better paying jobs and professions.
When boys and men feel and are left out; when public conversations, educational and other opportunities do not focus on the challenges they face and policy is not created to mitigate this, the messages are that they “do not matter enough,” and this leads to harmful outcomes.
The public media examples for males of “what it means to be a man,” of solving problems by bullying, threatening, violence and even suicide, are increasing. There are numerous groups (such as the Proud Boys) ready, willing and working to fill in and provide the ears and caring boys need to feel included and part of something.
Creating a culture where both men and women develop strong, confident self-esteem and have a wide range of roles and pathways in which they can apply both problem-solving and caring will make our communities safer and more resilient to the changes that come. We need to create a world in which all will thrive, everything is connected.
What drew you to this documentary, and what do you hope people take away from it?
My main hope is to bring awareness and conversation about this issue. I believe that action can be generated that will provide for safer and more productive choices so that all may thrive. The world and its issues are incredibly complex; however, I feel that addressing and bringing positive supports for boys and men is as important as bringing such supports for girls and women. We need everyone to build a healthy and safe world for all.
Who will be joining you for the panel discussion, and what perspectives are you hoping they’ll bring to the conversation?
Two local panelists on board are Alan Howard and Andrew Lynch. Alan Howard joined the Family and Children’s Services board in 2021 after retirement from careers in broadcasting, education and social services. He served as executive director for Indigenous television in northern Ontario before moving to the Ottawa Valley in 1997. In years hence he obtained graduate degrees in counselling and teaching for a subsequent career in education. Upon retirement in 2015, he studied further to establish private practice in civil mediation. He is actively engaged as a volunteer with Lanark County Community Justice Program and Catalyste+, an international agency dedicated to economic development with businesses, governments and community organizations in emerging countries and Indigenous communities across Canada.
Andrew Lynch has spent most of his adult life as an educator dedicated to creating learning cultures that support the needs of diverse learners. Since moving to the Perth area in 2012, his knowledge has expanded through his work in restorative justice with Lanark County Community Justice as a volunteer court diversion facilitator and as a program co-ordinator of the LCCJ BeStrong Program, supporting the implementation of restorative practices in schools and youth centres from 2016–19. As an occasional principal with the OCDSB from 2015–25, he has promoted the use of restorative practices to nurture inclusive learning communities. Andrew’s commitment to the development and wellbeing of children and youth is also evident in his roles as the chair of the board of directors of Big Brothers Big Sisters of Lanark County and as a member of the steering committee for Planet Youth Lanark, which promotes a community-driven strategy for reducing the use of harmful substances by youth.
Who do you most want to see in the audience on November 8, and why? Are there particular groups of people you’re hoping to reach?
I would love to see a wide audience — the more people who are aware, the more chances there are that helpful outcomes will happen. There are a lot of tools available that can help this quiet crisis; there needs to be better systems to implement them. The research looking at bias in special educational referrals, curriculum choices, legal and justice systems, therapeutic and emergency supports also need to be expanded. To do this work requires that all levels of the education community, parents, social services, government policy makers and emergency support services be involved and informed. We cannot change what we don’t see, and awareness is the first step.
This is a pay-what-you-can fundraiser for YAK Youth Services event, and attendees are asked to register at TicketsPlease.ca in advance.